My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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