You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
