Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
