if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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