dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
