He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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