I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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