i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
