"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
