so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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