Little spoons don't ask big questions
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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