There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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