Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Randomize
