My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
