It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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