Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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