i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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