Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
