I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
