You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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