my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
