I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
