Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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