There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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