I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
