just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do vagina's smell?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
