That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
