Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
