Need sex. Gaining weight.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
