It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
