Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
