Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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