Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
