and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
