You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
