I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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