DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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