Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
