I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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