Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
