i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
