i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
