you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
