i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
