dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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