so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
