I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
