Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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