So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
