idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
