careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
