If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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