the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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