We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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