Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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