The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
