Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
barbara walters just said penis...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Actions speak louder than pants.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
